5+Fai+Clovis+Tay+Jun+Yu

__**Characterization Process Writing Assignment**__ __**Clovis Tay Jun Yu (5) 5Faithfulness**__ __**Draft 2**__

__**Topic:**__ //__**It was the birthday of a classmate, and someone witnesses (or some people witness) a mean trick being prepared for (or being played on) the birthday boy.**__// Caleb, Jose and I were best buds. This December, we were all invited to Jose's birthday party. “Wee!!! Don't forget to thank our friend here, Jose for this wonderful birthday party thrown to celebrate his turning into 13! Three cheers for Jose, new teen on the block!” I cheerfully made up a speech as I went. His birthday was on the last day of the year, so we were all pretty happy to have few last celebrations before school starts. I tried to cheer Jose, as he made Caleb angry. Jose accidentally kicked the ball into the staff room and broke the window. He blamed Caleb for kicking the ball and since Jose has always been a good boy, the teacher didn't believe Jose kicked the ball when Caleb told her. His father got a call from the teacher and since them his father confiscated all communication sources with the outside world until Christmas was over. As Jose really hoped to amend things, he decided to invite Caleb over to celebrate. Soon Caleb arrived. “Fashionably late as always, Caleb, huh?” I asked, joviously. “Hmm, happy go lucky as always huh?” Caleb replied with a tinge of anger

“TIME TO CUT THE CAKE PEOPLE!!! Huddle up over the table now, remember don't get burnt by the candles~!” Jose's mother melodiously spoke that sentence. “...Happy birthday to you~!” We all sang heartedly. “Unwrap the presents Jose! Unwrap mine first!” Caleb encouraged him. Nodding, Jose opened the large striped round box and as he removed the lid, millipedes crawled out... “ARGH!!! BLACK LONG THINGIES!!!” The crowd screamed. Jose jerked upright in fear, sending the red box up into the air. The guests jostled out of the room, leaving Caleb, Jose and I to clean up the mess, Jose's parents went to get insecticide. Moments of silence rolled in. The silence broke when we all laughed. “This was some wrong things I did, I thought about it Jose, I'm sorry...” Caleb said as he trailed off.

Comment by Wei Liang The ending of your story was rather abrupt as it didn't tell us what happened afterward. Comment by Jim Yu You could have tried to make it more vivid, because you did not mention that anybody heard of the trick. comment by sheng: this was an interesting plot as this is the first compo i've read which uses real insects.the reason to play a prank is also quite clear and reasonable. comment by sheng: although some things in the story i thought were good (above), the story was a little too short, and the prankster seemed to have learnt his lesson almost instantly, even though the reason for pranking was being punished very severly. Comment by ctjy: i do not think that this was abrupt as we know that they laughed and Caleb apologised so we can infer that they are back to good friends. sheng they werent punished. the guests went out but caleb didnt so he was helping voluntarily... jeremy i think u are just deleting my whole post. i deleted ur post as the other comments said what u said. read the comments of others b4 u make ur own. He doesnt really have to be punished. u think all parents are like that? millipedes arent only found underground. even if it was hard to find it could be bought from a fish shop right? they sell bugs. if u want proof that they are easy i will take pictures of them in the hdb opposite my house. there is a garden near there and the millipedes go out of it very often.

Comment by jeremy  I do not se someone finding out about the prank. Clearly, you have gone out of point. The story was too short and the ending did not make sense as Caleb would not have apologised so quickly. He would also have been punished. The prank is not realistic as millipedes are hard to find as they usually hide underground. I changed a spelling mistake.