5+Fai+Liu+Tian+Yi

It was John’s birthday. He lives in a condominium. I was very excited about the event. Therefore, I came early. I called my best friends, Peter, Charles, and Ben, in the morning to remind them of the party. I reminded them not to play any tricks on John like last year when they thrown William into the river as they may get into trouble. But they simply laughed, and said, “Nobody will find out if I do it carefully! Last year was an exception! Do you remember the time I made the spring cake, and it hit Cheng Yuan right in the face.” “Ha-Ha” They giggled. I had no choice but to put the phone down, as they indeed succeeded that time, and I knew that they would not heed my advice. When I reached John’s apartment, I was warmly welcomed and brought to a barbecue pitch (supposed to be "pit") beside the swimming pool. I was. I realized that our class captain, David, was already there. Peter, Charles, and Ben were there too. They said “Hi!” to me evilly (is there such a word?) when I passed. We were eating some snacks while waiting for the people to get there and the party to start. John’s parents had prepared a lot of scrumptious food for us to eat and we could not wait to dig in. Just then, I saw Charles and Ben went up to Peter “So, what’s the trick?”. He beckoned them to come to a corner. Upon hearing that, I knew that he was up to no good, so,. Peter whispered, “Keep closer. Do you know that is unable to swim   ? Let’s push him down to the pool!” “But how?” the other two asked doubtfully “John will know that it is us and he will hate us.” “. ” (what's with all the punctuation marks?) Charles and Ben said together. I heard their conversation and knew that they were going to play a mean trick on John. But they were my best friends and I play with them every day. I was afraid that if I told on them, it would be the end of our friendship. But if I did not tell, I was afraid that something would happen to John. I did not know what to do and decided to ask David, our class captain. I asked David how to deal with the situation, as he is famous for his good ways to deal with it. He told me to follow Peter, Charles, and Ben with him. David and I followed Peter, Charles, and Ben. Peter headed for John while Charles and Ben went away to look for the right time to act. I saw Peter taking John nearer to the pool and signaling to Charles and Ben. shouted to John “John! All the people are here! Do you want to start the party?” John came back and decided its time to start the party. So, we spoiled their attempt this way. David asked me whether we should tell John. I said that the incident was over and we should not be talking about bad things during such an enjoyable time, and spoil the happy atmosphere. The party began. I felt that it was quite extraordinary, as Peter, Charles, and Ben did not seem to fuss over it too much. Instead, they went through the party as though nothing had happened. It made me fell puzzled, and I asked myself, would they continue to try playing a trick on John again? The answer was more likely yes. I decided to be more careful. Just then, when it was time to open the present, I saw Charles and Ben going over to Peter, whispering to him, “I hope your backup plan will work! What if someone found that there is a frog in the present?” Peter proudly assured them “I am sure nobody will find out my plan”. I proved my suspicion right. They had another trick being prepared. I knew that it was something in their present, so I went over to John and asked him who Peter ’s present to him was. He showed me the present and I put my ear on it. I heard a soft croaking sound and reckoned that it was a frog. I decided to tell John what Peter wanted to do, but I knew that he would go furious when he heard that Peter had tried to push him into the water, so I did not tell him. John said that he could just do not accept the gift and let him off. I said that Peter was too evil and he should not be let off. Then I asked John, “Why don’t we let Peter have a taste of his own trick by letting everyone open their own gifts?” John replied enthusiastically “It’s a good idea indeed!” So, I announced to all the people when it was time to open the gifts that they will have to open their own gift. I saw the frightened expression on Peter, and I thought, serve him right! When it was time for Peter to open his, he hesitated for a while, and finally opened it. A frog jumped onto Peter and he fall onto the ground with terror. The others laughed at him. Peter felt ashamed, and he apologized profusely to John. John forgave him but told him never to do it again. Peter vowed never to play a trick on anyone ever again.

Tay Kiat Jun: This story's standard isnt very good, its storyline can be followed, but i suggest you work on foreshadowing or developing the characters more, such that they would be at least a little rounded. Cheng Yuan: The story is a little to straight foward and i think that your character a a little too "flat" Jia Yun: Your composition has many long sentences that contains too much ideas, i suggest you break them up, but not too short too! Ken Zho: YOur storyline and story aren't bad, but you are mixing a lot of concepts and complications here. FIrst yoiu talk about not wanting to upset Peter as he is your best friend then you say that John would be furious at Peter would hate him. Two things about this: You never implied that John and Peter liked each other or were friends (i didn't say best). Number two, you should try to be a bit more systematic then this. First plan out the friendship between Peter and you, and then include the relationship between John and Peter to make it a bit clearer. Right now all these relationships are in a mess and you need to sort it out.